Re-blog : 10 Things Indie Musicians Do That Make People Hate Indie (from Monitor Down, 2009)

 

This one by Peter Kimmich is too good not to re-blog. It's sad that an article almost two decades old still remains so relevant. Unfortunately, all it takes to ruin the fun for everyone else is a handful of insufferably bad apples, but when it's "the norm", well...that's soul-draining. This might hit close to home for some, but those who see it on the reg can appreciate both the brutal honesty AND the humor (intentional and otherwise). Enjoy!

First of all, I love indie. I love it like a 15-year-old boy loves Megan Fox, sans anything involving posters on ceilings. So before you get up in my face with loud, defensive, aggravated comments about how great it is — I know, I know. Mellow.

But again like our halter-wearing temptress, there are a lot of seemingly reasonable people who HATE indie. And when you start to talk to these people about their hatred (once they get past the asinine jabs about hipster jeans, beards and technical guitar skills, like those even matter), you start to realize they may actually be on to something. Because even though indie is awesome, it’s only really awesome if it’s done right. And sometimes, you just have to take a loved one by the collar and tell them when they’re not doing something right. Right?

Here are some of the things indie musicians do that piss off people who otherwise have good taste in music. (Subtext: if you hate indie because the only style of music you like is speed metal or radio country, then this list, and my entire blog, will probably mean nothing to you.)

1. Whine a lot more than necessary. Most people understand that songwriting is about expressing emotions, so like-minded listeners can identify when their parents get divorced and they’re shuttled back and forth like a fake ID at a sorority house. But those alleged “genuine” emotions shouldn’t cause stool to run soft in the bowel, and those “genuine” lyrics shouldn’t have to become ironic Facebook status updates. Despite the majority of indie songwriters who express their inner ingénue at an appropriate level, a lot of them tend to dwell on the idea of adult male vulnerability, riding it like the bow of the Titanic until people in the crowd are considering dialing a hotline. The result: indie rock that is backed only by overdramatic 14-year-old girls and moms who are just glad their kid isn’t listening to Insane Clown Posse. And the woe in my heart bleeds like yesterday’s undercooked pot roast.

2. Sing like the deaf. Okay, part of being vulnerable and “real” is not having an overtly superior singing style. No one expects to be empathizing with Bono, or relating on a personal level to Axl Rose. (Yikes.) Still, there are a couple of fundamentals that are just part of singing — like pitch control, and not making the audience laugh out loud. So when the biggest Clap Your Hands Say Yeah single sounds like Joe Assface got up on karaoke night and ran a schoolbus over the solfege scale, it’s tough to hold the contempt in check. It’s even worse when it’s a cover of a song people are already familiar with, like Clem Snide’s abhorrent version of Christina Aguilera’s “Beautiful,” or Ben Gibbard’s cringe-inducing take on Bjork’s “All is Full of Love.” I don’t care how cute his own songs are, taking on Bjork’s most well-heard single with his northern-accented po-boy whimper is like climbing Mount St. Helens in a T-shirt and Converse low-tops. When the tone that comes across is “this didn’t sound like it did in my head, but oh well,” something is probably lost.

3. Shamelessly imitate other musicians. How many more indie lead singers are going to try to sound like Ian Curtis before someone devotes a top-10 list to it? Even though the Interpol/Editors/White Lies/Horrors/She Wants Revenge singing style is still cool almost 30 years after the end of Joy Division, indie bands with that sound are about as rare as lice at a Phish concert. At least there’s the rejuvenating presence of the Libertines/Arctic Monkeys/Bloc Party/Larrikin Love/Paddingtons/We Are Scientists “reckless” sound to remind us that anyone can roll out of bed in the morning and record an album between snorting lines and scraping the paint off vintage Telecasters. (And they’re all better than the Panic at the Disco/Fall Out Boy/Paramore/The Academy Is…/MCR pseudo-indie outfits with pop-punk mafia ties. )

4. Fail to grasp playing instruments. Once again, the everyman’s musician doesn’t need to play guitar like Eddie Van Halen. (Or Blake Mills, formerly of Simon Dawes.) It can even be a point of pride to be “self-taught” … but it shouldn’t come into question whether the guitarist is using his hands or his feet. Case in point: Babyshambles frontman Pete Doherty and his zombie-esque guitarist Mick Whitnall are a page out of the “Make Sure You’ll Be Able to Remember the Recording Session” manual. As talented as Doherty is, his band has released possibly the two worst-sounding albums in music, and yes, that crashing sound at the end of Down in Albion is him falling on his wasted ass. But even musicians who are too bombed to employ the musical skills they have are still superior to the ones who are not wasted, and just try to play like they are. Even worse, there’s the whole sub-layer of completely un-musical local musicians who try to get away with “unconventional” techniques, like playing the guitar like a stand-up bass, relying on “tones” or feedback to create music, or literally just holding the guitar throughout a show only to play two strings during the loud part. Just learn a song, butterfingers.

5. Create noise experiments. Lou Reed tried it with Metal Machine Music, an album consisting largely of feedback – and even that was regarded as a joke. Imagine, then, the impact your crappy, untrained garage band will have on the musical landscape when you unleash your new brand of electric-drill-inspired, ultra-distorted noise music for all to appreciate. Will it be “refreshing” when the opening notes of your first performance sound like a large train trying to shove through a small tunnel? Will the squeaky chair hooked up to a loose guitar pickup break anyone out of their sad, close-minded funk? Will they “get it” when you finally chop the head off your guitar with a bolt cutter at the end of your set? Probably not, you ridiculous excuse for a musician – please fuck off, and refer to number 4 above.

6. Selectively hate major labels. Indie musicians take pride in being independent, and in getting their music noticed without the aid of the big, soul-sucking music industry monster. They enjoy picking apart bands they’ve heard of who have “sold out,” changed their sound a little, and started touring with Velvet Revolver and Jane’s Addiction. “Damn, the Frog Bots get one deal and they change completely, and now they’re only playing for meatheads and teeny boppers at $75 a ticket. Way to betray the scene, man.” Unless, of course, it’s a friend of theirs. In that case, “did you hear about the Narwhal Endeavor? They just got the deal of a lifetime, and now they’re touring with Pearl Jam. That’s awesome.” And finally, what happens when a suit comes to knock on their own door? Everyone and their roommate shits a brick, that’s what happens. So much for integrity, I guess.

7. Have obscure-band-offs. Sports guys like to rattle off stats, car guys like to compare engines, and techies like to talk about the latest gear they bought. But somehow, none of it is as infuriating as the veiled contempt in an indie rocker’s voice when he (or she) name-drops an ultra-secret underground band he (or she) is hoping you’ll be stumped by. “Yeah, we (.2) were handing out CDs at the Glimmering Sock Muppets show last night. Killer band.” This is followed by an expectant stare. The only way to respond gracefully is to name-drop the primary influence of the Glimmering Sock Muppets, or at least point out how awesome it is that they poached the lead singer from the Kitten Tossers last week. Though the former is preferable. Of course, if you don’t recognize them, your only hope of staying cool is to actually be in a more noteworthy band — in which case your non-recognition might even cause the questioner to question his own sense of band judgment. Then again, you could always do some research in the used section at Amoeba, you poseur.

8. Go for the “indie look.” Wearing frayed vintage stuff isn’t necessarily the biggest fault of indie musicians — but then there are the ones who try to out-indie everyone by sporting every indie fashion trend at once. They usually end up looking like one of Lou Pearlman’s sadistic boy-band experiments: greasy, deliberately tangled hair; the light stubble that says “I’m not overly focused on my outward appearance;” the prerequisite all-weather scarf; the mod hat no one wears outside of an Urban Outfitters catalog; suspenders; the collage of concert wristbands; the v-neck that almost exposes nipple, for that subtle feminine mystery; the obligatory women’s fur-lined jacket, just to make it clear they don’t care what you think of them. And of course, no indie look would be complete without the nearly constant semblance of posing for something — something such as the inevitable barrage of Myspace photography that comes after the first round of dirty martinis. The only justice here is the notion that, according to historic fashion norms, these guys will be trying to pull off “bohemian vogue” until well after senility has set in. Eff that, ya whipper snapper.

9. Idolize their genre above all others. I’ve met metal guys who are into reggae, and hip-hop guys who are into funk and disco. There’s even an entire segment of punks who get into country. But for indie musicians, the only thing better than indie rock is indie rock and beer. Just take an indie rocker on a long road trip and they’ll have something to say about everything that comes out of your stereo until you start playing Muse, the Smiths, or something that sounds like Muse or the Smiths. I’ll admit that I’m living proof of this, if not to the degree that’s possible when you put someone with musical opinions into one of the most clique-y genres ever created. At least it’s easy to start up a conversation with them at a party: just mention the undeniable production benefits of auto-tune. You’ll start a landslide.

10. Worship Radiohead. Actually, I can’t blame indie guys for this, because Radiohead is awesome. But hey, some people hate them. Makes sense to me.

Original article found here: https://www.monitordown.com/2009/10/28/10-things-indie-musicians-do-that-make-people-hate-indie/

So I Hear You Have Dead-Weight in Your Band : Recognizing the Problem

Has lyrics and chords...still forgets lyrics and chords...

On a recent thread I saw, a participant wrote in asking about something most people in a band will have to face at some point or another: how to get rid of a member that is holding you back or robbing you of your enjoyment in general. 

He wrote:

I am finding myself in a tricky situation. I want to "fire" my singer, but in a way that a bit more delicate. The problem is that he and the drummer seem to be really good friends, and I dont want to loose the drummer. He is a good guy, but cant seem to create any original vocal melodies\lyrics. He has been using the same melody lines for the last 3-4 songs, and parts of the same lyrics for a few songs. One time he accidently sent me some demos from another band he is in, and he is using the same melodies\lyrics for those too. it's like he only can only play one chord on the guitar.

Wow. Been there, done that. More times than I care to admit. Since my beginnings in my teens up through my 40's, it seems this always finds a way to rear its ugly head. I responded to the OP as follows:

I've been in a very similar situation more than once, and it always sucks. It's one of the primary reasons I stopped working with "singers/vocalists" who don't play an instrument as an active contributor in the band in ANY capacity (originals OR covers), and a perfect example of literally every "original material" wannabe-frontperson I've EVER worked with (and hence why I don't work with them either). 

With my hired-gun cover-band gigs, I've occasionally worked as just a support musician, if the money is right. It was never "worth it", let's get that part out of the way, but at least I have to compensated to enough of a degree that it's worth my time. After firing the "singer and occasional guitarist" from one of the cover-bands I work with back in 2018, my price for working with a "frontperson" instead of co-fronting or just fronting the band myself has gone up--I call it my "cost of living" increase. We fired that guy (Hi, Ben!) for a number of reasons:

- He could not perform without a full-on binder of lyrics/notes on a stand in front of him (later an iPad, but still), even for songs he'd been playing/singing for decades (I find when the person who wants to be noticed most in a band has to have a reference source available for almost EVERY song it shows an embarrassing lack of skill and professionalism, especially when...

- He drank a lot (in spite of health issues that would keep most sensible people from drinking to begin with), to the point where by middle of the first set, he was buzzed, and by mid-second-set, he was utterly plowed. This was especially annoying when he was also too drunk to read all of his cheat material, and he ended up screwing up/missing parts anyway on both his vocals and his now-out-of-tune guitar that he was too inebriated to tune.

- He started getting cringily political and weird (pro tip: don't bring up your personal politics in your band when you already know your opinions and ideologies clash significantly with other members, unless you want it causing unnecessary stress and tension and you're low-key wanting to cut ties anyway).  

- He strutted around at every gig (and OUTSIDE of gigs), despite his embarrassing failures to fulfill his duties, chest puffed-out, acting like some rock god, and it got more annoying with every beer or shot, seemingly oblivious that without a solid group behind him, he'd literally just be a drunk karaoke hack.

- He had a weird combination of goofy "alpha" mentality and imposter syndrome. In other words, he often tried to nose-in on everything and wanted to be considered "the leader" while doing the least amount of work, and would contradict himself by showing how actually insecure he was as a human being. It was a bizarre mix of personalities.

- The last straw was at a gig where, I kid you not, he got too drunk early into the middle set to play, started slurring and just not singing at all, and I finished out the set fronting the band. Immediately thereafter, he literally decided to lie across the table in front of the "stage" area and proceeded to pass out. The drummer and I gave the bassist an ultimatum, he'd have to fire his frontman and we continue on as a trio, or we walked and they'd be replacing half their band. He was gone the next day.

It didn't stop the fat POS from talking smack about us for a few years to come and trying to get us blacklisted at our normal haunts for 'doing him wrong' (WTF, really?), but when you're dealing with people from certain demographics who have certain personality defects, you learn to not be "shocked" when they act like spoiled 7 year olds. And then there was the more recent falling out with an original music collaborator...

I worked for many years with a guy I'd known all the way back in elementary school, a guy who was big into indie music, always wished he was in an indie band like some of us he knew from school, and after doing "a lot of karaoke" when he was stationed in Japan, he decided he wanted to form a group of his own (yes, that was his "resume" for starting a band). Long story short, it was mostly an online collaboration that eventually became a performing situation with some guys I helped round up, but it wasn't well-received. For 95% of the recorded material, I wrote, arranged and performed all the instruments, and this guy (who we'll call "John") only wrote lyrics and "sang". His vocal range was almost nonexistent and I tried (but failed) to push him to better his skills--fine for indie shows to an extent but NOT for legitimate venues. In addition to lacking vocal skills, he had the same issues your guy has: no creativity when creating melodies, and his lyrics were either directly recycled from previous ones or were thematically the same as the others, often with the exact same terminology/verbiage even. Things came to a crash and burn because we had a couple bad shows (one in particular was NOT well-received, with the booking person citing his vocals as "f*cking awful" and saying "as long as he's singing, we can't have you back"), and I believe what finally got through to him was when John submitted one of our songs (the music of which was kind of like Audioslave, very groovy and strong--but lacking of those piercing, strong Chris Cornell style vocals, of course) to a local station's morning show where they listened to local groups and critiqued their music. Our track got the longest airtime to date because they liked the music portion, but they were brutal about how bad the vocals sucked. John had taken it upon himself to be the sole person on the phone with them (as usual, us "auxiliary musicians" were not required--or welcome, evidently--for PR), and they didn't realize they were talking to the crappy vocalist who they said essentially robbed the otherwise-killer-song of its thunder until the end of the conversation. John spent a few weeks in denial about their "taste in music" or whatever made him sleep better at night, but he's a smart guy and I believe he knew deep down that he was not the indie hero he wanted to think he was, nor was he considered "good enough" to front an actual band. The drummer (who works with me in our power-duo to this day) backed out the next month, and John decided not to go on with the band. The way he went about it, and started showing resentment towards my power-duo project, he burned this bridge permanently. He's tried to reach out, re-friend me on social media and presumably needs help again, but I refuse to acknowledge or respond. Last I heard, he was working with some "DJ" guy who makes songs with looped beats and random samples, and I affectionately refer to them as "TiT" (Two Inch Tacks). 

Sorry to be so verbose here, I just wanted to give some personal examples to show I know exactly what you're going through, and hopefully to demonstrate that what you DON'T want to do is have this person's attitude, laziness, incompetence, hubris or lack of ability to hold you back OR cause your band to eventually implode. If you have an otherwise cohesive, strong band, having one person drag it all down makes for a miserable time. A few things to think about...

Yeah, he MIGHT be close with the drummer, but that's not unusual for a couple of folks in a band to be a little more buddy-buddy than the others. In the cover-band I mentioned earlier, we had to replace our drummer (amicably, as the previous drummer was moving to go be with his family), and out of the trio, the bassist and new drummer are friends who live near each other, while I'm a half hour away and I don't go to the pub with them or hang out. Fun fact: the frontman we fired was really close with the bassist too though, however, when pressed to lose the rest of the band or lose the guy who was an obvious problem, he chose to let his friend go who was holding the band back. In an events band I am an ongoing member in, the keyboardist and bassist are longtime friends who hang out all the time, but the drummer and I don't hang out with them outside the band. So don't worry about that. 

The best thing you can do is have a "band meeting" sans the vocalist and let your feelings be known. Back up your opinions with examples (the more facts, evidence and examples you can provide, the more likely you are to get a positive outcome). Discuss how important the group is to you and what you hope to achieve, and tell them the only reason you're even thinking about a member adjustment is because you want to see progress and have success in one way or another with the band. Tell them how strong you think their contributions are and how strong the band can be with the right frontperson (one who earns his/her keep and actually has some creativity). Bring to light the dude's other band's demo you heard where he's using the same melodies/lyrics and use that as a means to take the angle of him maybe focusing on that band, since that's where his creativity lies (which is true, since he hasn't come up with anything unique or original with your group). Let's consider best- and worst-case-scenarios.

Worst-case-scenario, the drummer takes offense at you daring to want to sack his buddy, and you're forced to find another drummer (which is a pain, I know that drummers are the hardest instrumentalists to find in most instances). But cup-half-full, you're no longer held back by someone else and you'll eventually find someone whose allegiances are to the greater good.

Best-case-scenario, he listens, agrees that the singer is the weakest-link and you guys amicably dismiss the singer to go spend fulltime with his other band (again, tell him he is a better fit for them and it's not doing you OR him any favors for him to stay with you), and you guys keep working on material. I GUARANTEE you that you will not have a lot of trouble finding a singer/frontperson, because they, like "guitarists" are the most plentiful out there, and there's ALWAYS another one around the corner, a stone's throw away. Now, you might need to go through a few auditions to make sure the chemistry is good AND that the new person has some creativity when it comes to lyrical and melodic contributions. There's ALSO the possibility that going the trio route might be an option, don't write that off. But if you need a 4th member, just make sure they're doing what you need, and aren't just looking for a band to make them look good.

It's NEVER "fun" having to change band members, whether it's amicable or under duress, but if you approach the drummer right, despite his relationship with the singer, he will listen to the rational explanation as to how you came to your decision. And either way, you can't simply continue on like you're doing now, because  you're not happy or making progress, and I can assure you that life is too short to go on like that. You got this.

And that applies to anyone else out there going through a similar conundrum. I've been around long enough and have gone through this many times, and I can tell you DON'T WASTE YOUR LIFE trying to work with any project that doesn't bring you either artistic satisfaction OR financial compensation worthwhile of your contributions/commitment. Respect yourself and make yourself happy, first and foremost!