Removing Dead Weight Pt3 : Parting is Such Sweet---er...no, it isn’t... - Mentally Preparing for "Mandatory Band Membership Restructuring” and Dealing with the Fallout

 

In this final part to the "Dead Weight Trilogy", I'm just going to give you a little encouragement, advice and motivation to act on what you know needs to be done now. 

As someone who has been on both sides of the cheesy soap-opera called "the firing of a bandmate" at one point or another throughout the years (literally only once having been fired, but still, it DID happen that time), I can confirm that it's rarely pretty. Most of the time, the individual being dismissed is the only one in the band who didn't see it coming. And it’s no secret that musicians, in general, can be some of the most needy, melodramatic and petty people on the planet, which leads to "complications" in situations that should be cut-and-dry. I have always said semi-jokingly that the one thing that might make me just quit playing music altogether one day is...well..."musicians".

When someone becomes a liability, it's time to act. It's no longer a time to "talk" to deaf ears about a problem that will not simply go away (or to repeat one’s self for the Nth time expecting the individual to straighten up “this time”). And no one is a "jerk" or "asshole" because they don't let someone else embarrass them, or because they refuse to let someone disrespect them and waste their time. No one is “unreasonable” for holding another to the same standard of courtesy, priority, work ethic and respect he/she holds him-/herself to. It's NOT out-of-bounds for you to be dismissed from a band because you aren't a good fit, aren't bringing enough to the table or aren't truly carrying your own weight. No one is so special or so talented that they should get a pass, and odds are, if you're "in between bands", it's not your first rodeo. And my heart goes out to people backed into the corner who are forced to have to restructure their band, even if it was under amicable circumstances, because it's never a walk in the park. But often, the more urgency in play, the less-amicable the inevitable split will be, and there's just no easy way. Well, the actual dismissal part is as simple as you want it to be--could be a call, a text, an email or a band meeting. Just have your facts in your corner, say what you need to say and done. For the recipient of the proverbial eviction notice though, the feelings could vary from relief with a side of restrained jubilation (like the time I was let go from a band) all the way to psychotic rage. You might get lucky and have a "healthy breakup" with said member (now-former-member), but always be prepared to see that person's absolute worst come out. If the person is a levelheaded, reasonable person, you might just get a little snarkiness or attitude, but if he/she is a mercurial or eccentric individual, things could get nasty.

Regardless, if you've reached the point where your working relationship is no longer productive or enjoyable, something must be done. 9 out of 10 times, there will be more than one band member who wants to see the problematic bandmate shown the exit. But in that rare case where you're the only one, be objective and ask yourself if it might be an issue with yourself more than anything. You might be able to compartmentalize and work around it provided the band is flourishing, the gigs are rewarding/lucrative and you otherwise like the band or the music you're playing. But I can tell you from experience (and as you've seen in my previous blog), there are just some personality types that don't make for good bandmate material. If they make you dread performing, rehearsals, songwriting sessions, etc., they're sapping your mojo, and something's got to give, even if that means you have to recuse yourself from the band in the event that the rest of the band gets on well, leaving you the odd-man-out. Never disregard the fact that there WILL be a reaction from the fired member, one way or the other...it just depends on their personality and mental health stability how reactive they'll be.

From the perspective of the now-bandless party, when it comes to life in general, owning up to a mistake, bad life choice or failure to do one's job reliably/consistently is never an easy task, but it's more honorable and truthful than pretending you “don't know what went wrong”, or even worse, trying to convince anyone who’ll listen that it's simply some mere coincidence or conspiracy and that everyone’s just out to get you. Not saying that sometimes the conspiracy paranoia isn't dead on the money (I've seen it firsthand), but that's the less-frequent scenario. So BE OBJECTIVE. When it comes to being excused from a band, it's disingenuous and atrocious for someone to go through extraneous efforts to try to convince their entourage and acquaintances that it was somehow ANYONE else’s fault but their own, but the fact remains that everyone else in the band voted to sack them. Whether unanimously or by majority-rule, you're out, and be truthful about why, no matter how hurt your feelings might be over it. It will save you embarrassment, and keep you from being "that guy" who spreads disinformation gaslighting the people who collectively decided they didn't want to work with you anymore.

But it happens, even when dealing with musicians well into middle age who, based on my personal experience, are often surprisingly far worse than people half their age when it comes to band (and personal) drama. And it's especially infuriating when you (as a remaining member of a band dismissing a problem child) take the high road and keep the "official" word diplomatic, respectful and vague in the name of helping to protect the reputation of someone who probably doesn't actually deserve it (Hi again, Ben!), only to find out that he/she in turn has slandered and defamed you and your group, played victim to whomever will listen, talking trash because he/she has absolutely nothing better to do and no other reason to exist. When he/she resorts to outright LIES to vilify their former bandmates, it speaks louder and more negatively about his/her own character than anyone else's in the group, that he/she feels such insecurity or jealousy that they must try to discredit others in a vain attempt to raise themselves up a little, and you need to remember that ultimately, karma will prevail. When the folks attending the pity-party aren't hearing "all the details", and are only hearing this one story from an individual who has a desperate, vested interest in making sure people believe his/her side of the story over the painful truth, accountability is absent and becomes irrelevant. And those people don't realize they're being played (victimized) in the process also, adding insult to injury in the end. Unfortunately, this is a very real possibility that you need to be prepared for, just in case. 

For the band's fans, friends, hangers-on and such, sure, there are always "two sides to the story", just make sure you hear both of those sides so you can decide objectively which party is truly at fault. Keep in mind that the band as a collective decided to fire the member, and it's more often than not for very legitimate reasons, despite what the disgruntled individual may want friends/associates/random strangers to believe. Simple personality conflicts or clashes in chemistry between a couple members rarely (if ever) end in the band firing either member, as usually one or the other will simply quit on their own, done deal. So if someone tells you an outrageously vague story about how he/she was just "for whatever (unknown) reason" suddenly and unexpectedly let go from their musical project by all its other members as a band decision, you might want to inquire deeper before judging the multiple people who made this collective choice in direction. Odds are, the majority parties have a perfectly logical reason, or were actually just trying to not only protect their own integrity by not being melodramatic about it, but also are protecting friends/fans/YOU from awful performances or watching band drama unfold. It's your responsibility to make sure you are informed if you're going to take a "side" on a matter like this, or MOST IMPORTANTLY: you need to ask yourself why you are thought so little of that you are being coerced into taking sides in the first place, and why he/she is so intent that you believe what he/she wants you to believe blindly. So the next time a salty person who's been handed his/her walking papers by their band tells you someone/everyone else is “difficult” or “hard to work with”, or that the parties being insulted are “jerks” or “assholes”, make sure you grill the butthurt accuser a little. Ask them why. Ask for examples. And demand the truth. If they won’t give it to you, or their explanations don’t add up, I’m sure their former bandmates would be more than glad to educate you in the matter and would greatly appreciate the opportunity to clear up any falsehoods. Also ask yourself, why is this person exerting energy being a negative twat instead of forming his/her own new musical project? Perhaps he/she has trouble finding musicians willing to gamble on his/her sobriety, personality and reliability? There’s a reason the band who axed him/her is still getting by just fine in his/her absence or possibly even has improved overall without the hindrances. So think about that while you’re listening to the next round of whining and moaning before forming a conclusive opinion.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be whiny washout weekend warrior rockstar-wannabes. Or at least make sure if they do end up as such, that they can take their licks when their irresponsibility comes back to bite them, and will act like an adult about it when it does. And musicians, word gets around when you act a fool and spread BS. So act your age, PLEASE! You're making the rest of us look bad, and not for the reason you intended!!!

Removing Dead Weight Pt2 : Sure, But How Much SHOULD You Endure and How Do You Implement a Change?

In my last blog I discussed a particular situation where a key member was rendered incapable of doing his job due to illness or alcoholic misadventure. Most of my posts are at least somewhat autobiographical in origin, based on situations I've found myself in or people I've found myself dealing with, and this is obviously the case here. With this kind of thing, in the back of my mind I try to believe it will work out one way or the other, however you never quite know when, or which way the shit will actually go down. One of the most embarrassing instances of having to implement a contingency was on June 8, 2018. I had anticipated it was coming any day now, and it became clear that night, no longer a mystery as to when it would happen, or what would need do be done. I don't have any reason to name names other than the "Ben" I referenced a couple blogs back, because those who were there know all the details, and those who know me will fully be in-the-know about the situation, and can appreciate my perspective from "the other side", in case there was any doubt, misrepresentation or curiosity. Unlike Ben, we were civil and wanted simply to be rid of him dragging us down. Ben, on the other hand, was so utterly butthurt and in denial of his own accountability (as most low-EQ narcissists are) that he took to the streets to try to get the band blacklisted at every venue for "screwing him over", conveniently leaving out the part where we fired him for being unprofessional, disrespectful to audiences and venues, and simply not doing his job. Ben, in his impotent rage, gaslit the ever-loving fuck out of everyone else, played the victim, and as often happens when folks with NPD are faced with the consequences of their own failures or actions (right, "Jenny"?), the make their rounds to get their histrionic false narrative out there first, in order to sway opinions and bias to their favor. Unfortunately, it works in most cases, and there are a lot of people out there who have been played (and thus are "victims" in their own right now) because they let a narcissist manipulate their feelings, opinions and allegiances. So our band dismissed him respectfully, keeping the torrid details to ourselves, and he invented a different reality where everyone else was wrong, and he had not, in fact, let everyone down or exhausted his last chances. I vowed that in the future I would not prioritize diplomacy over the truth, because "those kinds of people" are incapable of appreciating it or simply moving the fuck on. So what actually happened, you ask?

The tragic irony is that the first set of the performance that night was actually pretty strong. For probably the very first time in my membership of the band in question up till that point, I was smiling onstage for more than just a couple songs, and was actually having a [*gasp!*] pretty good time. The overall stage sound was cooperating with us, everyone was playing/singing well and the audience was actually tuned in. I also had just found out one of my other projects (another cover-band, but a much more professional and stress-free situation with some folks who were like literal family), was being put down permanently due to one of the members' health, and I had come to some kind of grips that I was going to try to work with this situation, despite my lament and disappointment at lyric sheets onstage and some pretty serious personality clashes. I was trying. But back to the specific night's show. As covers gigs go, it wasn't terrible during that first set. Certainly overall the best set this particular group had played, ever. And I'm not exaggerating. That's why what followed was perplexing, depressing, infuriating and catalytic.

The self-appointed frontperson of the group had already been talked to about performance fitness in the weeks leading up to the gig, more accurately the importance of not getting shitfaced onstage at a performance. This seemed to be a non-issue at this point, after having had a few shows of no incidents (the last embarrassing one being, maybe not-so-coincidentally, a the very same club a couple months earlier), and I think maybe that contributed to the overall ease and positive vibes of that first set, not feeling guarded about that from the start. But I noticed there were a few shots downed during that first set, along with the first bottle or two of Natty Light out of a bucket. God knows what got drank during the between-set break, because the bucket was empty and little plastic shot cups abound. Second set started off mostly fine, but halfway through, things started getting sloppy. REALLY sloppy. By the fourth-to-last song, the morale dropped out as the drunken stupor kicked in, with slurred lyrics (and the wrong words, despite the lyrics on the iPad in front). By the final two songs of the set, dude could barely stand, much less play guitar or sing. It was utterly mortifying. That was it. I was done. After the final song in the set, I laid down my guitar gently, took a few deep breaths, and walked out to my car to contemplate how I was going to handle the situation.

As I was walking back around to the front of the club, I saw the bassist and his girlfriend talking, in what appeared to be a fairly heated conversation. Much to my surprise, he was as embarrassed and mad as me (quite profound, considering he and Ben were regular hang-out buddies and all), and he had enough as well. Now we were getting somewhere. When the drummer found us, the discussion began. The bassist's girlfriend kept trying to talk us down asking us as there's anything we could do to finish the night, turn him down or play over him or whatever, and I fucking refused. I told them I wasn't going back on. I gave them the option that the only way I'll go back on was if the problem child sits out the set, but I was not going back on stage with that motherfucker, period. Ever. So that was the end of it.

Inside, our staggering other member first stumbled around the stage singing(?) into the mic along with the jukebox, and then pouted and moped around when he realized we were done for the night; and after HIS OWN girlfriend split leaving the bassist's girlfriend helped him load out, he proceeded to pass out on a table at the bar. I made it clear to the other two that I'm tired of showing up doing my part and getting paid the same as the person who comes in and halfasses the whole damn time to begin with and basically gets paid to get fucked up (often drinking the entire "band tab" without help from the rest of us). I drove home angry and disgusted, but at the same time, perversely relieved because I knew that this was the end of having to deal with someone I barely could stand to be in the same room with, let alone to share a stage with and "back". I am better than that. And now I had the ultimate "out", one way or the other.

The next morning, Ben called the bassist, claiming to be unclear as to why everyone was pissed at him, and stating that he (and I quote) "didn't remember" what went on. HELLO???

Here's a hint to all you party-pros: if you drank so much you "black out", you should not have been performing. When you are being paid to do a job, you should not be letting yourself overindulge and the responsibility to earn your portion of the payment.

I had no intent to discuss it, negotiate it or give someone a "second, second chance" after being disrespected and embarrassed like that. I would find out that Ben spent that whole weekend obsessed with us "looking for a new singer"; again, this is someone who never acknowledged or took me seriously when I reminded him that I have always fronted bands, and in fact, co-fronted the act which had just retired that previous week. The guy also never acknowledged or "liked" my solo artist page (original work), presumably again because if he refused to acknowledge its existence, it somehow could be ignored and he didn't have to admit I had a life outside of backing him up and making him look good. Hell, HOW many times did I have to step up to sing an Alice in Chains or Soundgarden song because he'd thrown his voice out earlier that week drinking, smoking and doing karaoke??? He could not seem to fathom the possibility that I was going to do his job in the event he was dismissed. "Bitch," I thought to myself, "I am going to sing. We don't need a 'new' singer." He failed to put two and two together that the months of nagging about learning lyrics, learning how to coordinate the singing/playing of certain parts and the importance of "rehearsal Vs. practice" was not just bitching and moaning on my part: it was a threat, and a promise. Maybe it was just denial, not wanting to think about the fact that a "lowly sideman" (in his eyes) would step up and take his place. Maybe it was hubris and complacency. Maybe it was a lack of realization that he was as disposable as anyone else, I dunno'. The day after he was dismissed, and without a single "rehearsal", when we were playing a mid-week bike-night gig, I took over. I was already prepared to sing and play 80% of the set-list, so aside from leaving out a few songs I really didn't like having to play anyway, along with one or two that absolutely HAD to have two guitarists, we were just fine. In fact, folks who had never seen the band before didn't realize the performance wasn't as it had always been. Despite some really disturbing bromance drama which I won't go into detail about between Ben and the venue owner (who was strangely shook by us having fired his friend, obviously unaware of WHY because he wasn't told the whole story), the crowd was more than happy, and the night went over without a hitch. And remember those lyric sheets I've mentioned in previous blogs, which I was told that the "audience doesn't care about" and "doesn't pay any attention to"? Well, MORE THAN ONE person came up to shake my hand addressing my lack of any reference materials onstage (so....suck it, you fat greasy fuck). The night ended on a sour note when it was time to get paid, but the details are really unimportant, mental and petty at this point, but it involved the venue owner's personal feelings about his buddy having been dismissed from the band. We spent a day or two wondering what we could've done differently, but our concerns were completely erased the following Saturday night, when we played to a packed, eager house in downtown, this time with nothing but praise from not just the audience but the venue as well, full pay (without incident) from the management and the vindication of having justified our existence as-is. There were a couple of the band's longtime friends/fans who were confused (from us having kept the circumstances surrounding Ben's firing off the "official" blog/pages), and a little bummed at the loss of someone they had grown accustomed to, but that happens. The best you can do is prove the band is still strong, will continue on, and hope they give it a chance instead of writing it off because of some incorrect assumption or weird allegiance. It's a group. The group is NOT "this guy" or "that guy". It is a GROUP. And the collective comes first. Never forget that.

So ultimately, what I said in my previous blog was correct, and you had best be ready, willing and able should you have to step-up and do the job. Yes, it means a little more work, but at the trade-off of your actual stress level going down exponentially. I was ready, and did not let my bandmates or the audience down. I do not regret the decision, because when you give someone almost two years to learn songs, and several chances to stop embarrassing your band onstage, you've done your due diligence, as they say. No guilt at that point. I jumped in feet-first, kicked more ass than I have any business kicking, and was absolutely fine continuing on as a power-trio unless I happened to run across a rhythm guitarist who can also provide good enough backing vocals to make me want to hire on a fourth member.

This wasn't the only time I've had this kind of thing happen, but one of the most convoluted and comical. I mean, there was also the time back about 15 years ago when I was with another cover-band whose frontman got stumbling-drunk the last set after his "old lady" decided to bail with another cover-band front man and that dude's wife to go to HIS gig in a neighboring town (knowing her, presumably also to engage in some booger-sugar-and-threeway action with them as well before his gig) and he was feeling sorry for himself. I had to step up that night as well. Wildly enough, also a June gig. And then there was the time a shitty indie project I worked with was supposed to open for a band but at the last minute they decided they weren't going to headline, and stuck us in the headlining slot with only an hour's worth of material ready. Not only did I have to call out changes for a bunch of alternative covers we'd never played together to the drummer and bassist, but I also had to do lead vocals on almost all of them, because the singer (who I need to interject and note caused us to get poor responses from the audience AND blacklisted at that and another venue because of his inability to sing) didn't know them or couldn't sing them. One thing ALL of these examples have in common is that in every case, the vocalists blamed everything but themselves, and thought they were above the law--had any of the rest of us gotten too inebriated to perform and embarrassed the respective bands, we'd have been sacked on the spot. So it's NOT an isolated incident, my friends. If it happens once, it'll happen again. Watch out.

At the end of the day, always stick to your guns, and be ready when you have to pull the trigger. Most importantly, when you step up, eat it up. Revel in it. Don't give anyone any reason to doubt the band's decisions. And never renege. This is YOUR time. YOUR band, as much as anyone's. YOUR health. YOUR future. Own it. 

Removing Dead Weight Pt1 : The Contingency Approach

So in my last blog, we covered some really, really unprofessional situations you might run into with your band, or a member thereof, wherein you may be faced with having to have (for example), your frontperson bow out for the latter half of a show, or an entire show altogether. Now is where we talk in detail about a contingency plan to keep you from looking stupid in an uncomfortable situation. 

Yeah. It's a really important thing to consider, and something we don't all think about until it's too late and we're wishing we had a backup plan. Granted, if your drummer breaks his leg or your bass player has to get stitches on his fretting hand, those are pretty much situations where it's simply time to cancel the gig, unless you happen to have an incredibly talented multi-instrumentalist in the band who can bounce around to whatever instrument is needed and do the job, and I'm not sure about you guys, but most folks I know only play one or two instruments, and a lot of vocalists can barely play one if any at all, and those of us who DO play several instruments can only play one at a time, so we know that's not going to happen. What, then?

But let's say, for instance, in either a legitimate case of unintentional impairment, such as a sinus infection or the flu, or even if it's due to negligent misadventure  (drinking one's self into uselessness, for example, as mentioned in the previous blog), your band's vocalist either cannot perform at full range, or by halfway through the night is giving out and will be unable to finish the set. You might have a great relationship with a venue and they might let you call it an early night if it's not super busy. But odds are, they're not going to want to pay you your full rate for 1/3 or 1/2 of what you were supposed to play. So you need a back-up plan if you want to get paid and not be remembered negatively (or blacklisted). In most bands, there's at least one other member who is an accomplished vocalist themselves. Sometimes, the person might actually be as capable as, or in some cases more capable than, the person who inexplicably gets to spend the majority of that time up front. That person might need to finish out the night in cases where the primary vocalist is incapacitated. Now, I realize this takes a little bit of the glory and spotlight off of Mister or Miss Frontperson, but if it keeps your band from looking foolish, and helps you fulfill the obligation you signed up for when you accepted the gig, then put your ego aside and look at the big picture. Then take a seat with a smile on your face and be proud to be part of a capable, skilled outfit who can carry on with a member down.

What this means is that your band really needs to have what I like to refer to as a "contingency set". 

This is where you have a dedicated set, 45 minutes to an hour in length at the very least, where somebody else can step up and take over. Whether the frontperson wants to take a seat in the audience, hang back and just play guitar or fucking tambourine or something, or just leave altogether, that's up to them, and either choice is acceptable. But if somebody else can finish out the night and save the band from having to endure the embarrassment of either having to shut down early or suffer from increasingly worsening performance due to some kind of legitimate ailment or negligent self-induced impairment from overindulgence, then it's totally worth the extra effort to come up with a working alternative that will help the band save face and look like champs. And as previously stated, there's probably already a good candidate in your band who can do it. Actually, most likely, in a pinch that person could easily perform 75 to 90% of the material at the drop of a hat already if needed (based on my own experience), in addition to his/her guitar/bass/drum duties. There might come a time to put their talent and abilities to use, and not only should they be ready, but the rest of the band needs to be supportive and appreciative of it.

That's something I personally dedicated myself to doing long ago. Pretty much any act worth a damn that I have played with in the last 20 years has had the flexibility of having some sort of backup plan. In the bands that concentrated on original material, there was almost always some degree of splitting fronting the band with at least one other member. And in what I consider the more fun and successful stints in cover-bands, there also has been a division of lead vocal duties between two or more band members, which is a great way to increase stamina for the entire band, particularly if (as I do) you really push the limits of your power and range when you sing. They're not "your songs" anyway, so why not split up the duties if more than one person can help make the most of the performance?  I make it my goal to not only do my job well, but also to be ready to step up to the mic on those occasions the vocalist falls ill, decides to get so plastered by mid-set that he can't talk straight (much less sing or read his lyrics off his cheat-sheets) or when he throws his voice out with karaoke and bar-hopping throughout the week. 

At any given time, without whining about "needing to rehearse" and "how hard" everything is, with absolutely no notice whatsoever, I can fill not one or two sets, but even an entire show if I have to, if my bandmates can improvise and follow lead. That's one reason I cannot stand lazy goddamned musicians. And as I have mentioned before (and will likely again), I do admit that I have a certain beef with people who call themselves vocalists a lot of the time, because frankly, I don't feel like the vast majority of them deserve the right to stand up there with just a microphone while everyone else is working their asses off (especially those of us handling both instrumental AND vocal duties all night). Even when it comes to famous bands, I can't think of more than maybe 20 that feature vocalists who I really believe have earned the right not to have to play guitar or piano or bass or something while they sing. And I can count on one hand how many independent or local/regional acts I've ever seen in my entire life who have vocalists even remotely in that same classification. I certainly haven't ever worked with any. And the rest if them out there? If they're not contributing on an instrument, I don't really take them all that seriously. I can't. I won't. And that includes people I have worked with. They're nothing more than karaoke hacks who decided they wanted to feel like the cool kids by being in a band. But I'm not shy about it, and I have no problem saying such things directly to them (ask anyone I have worked with). Why? Because I have busted my ass over the years not only to be a decent guitar player, but also to be able to provide vocals so I don't have to work with somebody who I feel is a halfass, and when somebody doesn't put the same amount of effort into what they do as I put into my parts, it's absolutely insulting. Those guys inevitably will end up butting heads with me, because it's pretty much a given that if I ever have to implement the contingency, it becomes at the very least a challenge of rank at that point for them, and I've found most people cannot handle that threat of being usurped. But ultimately, if I have to implement the contingency for self-inflicted reasons (i.e. you're too drunk to do the job, or I just get sick of hearing complaints about "how hard" the job is), I can pretty much guarantee you that your days are numbered, because from that moment forward I'm going to do everything I can to prove how unnecessary you are the first time I ever have to pick up your slack. I never was in a band I didn't front/co-front till about 6 or 7 years ago, and I don't NEED to be now.

But I digress...back to your "contingency plan/set".

Be prepared, because the second you even mention a contingency set plan, your vocalist will lose his/her fucking mind, and will probably act one of two ways. The first is denial, coupled with a little bit of gaslighting, probably blaming his or her shortcomings somehow on the rest of the band, lack of band rehearsals, or some other nonsensical horseshit to try to talk you out of it and try to deem it "unnecessary". That's when you stand your ground, and put it to a vote. Hopefully your other bandmates are sensible folks, or they at least understand which member(s) they could do without and not have to cancel shows should an ultimatum be issued (and this is a possibility)--but if the other members push back, I'd recommend you go ahead and start looking for a better group to be a part of. The other reaction is likely to be a sudden massive surge in motivation and drive from the person who feels now that the cushy position on which they staked their claim and of which they think so highly of themselves performing is now potentially threatened. They may even do something like hire a vocal coach, or even [GASP!!!] start actually practicing on their own so that they are ready for rehearsals and shows. That's great and all (if not a case of "too little, too late"), but either way, no matter how they react, don't back down. Insist on a contingency plan, for the betterment and security of the band, and proceed accordingly. If they feel at all threatened, they will either leave the band or they will do their part with minimal hassle and maybe even demonstrate gradual, noticeable improvement going forward. Either way is a win for everyone else. You need to be prepared for at LEAST a little bit of general unease and discomfort. Your vocalist is not going to be a happy camper to begin with, but if the contingency vocalist knocks it out of the park, it's going to make things even more tense and add another layer of complexity and potential drama, so prepare for that as well. Expect a lot of tension if the audience applauds the performance enthusiastically the first time you have to implement the contingency live. And God forbid your exalted vocalist should overhear an audience member or friend ask the contingency vocalist why he or she doesn't sing more, or if someone suggests that they do. Most importantly, if the contingency vocalist does perform at least on par with your current vocalist, you and your bandmates need to ask yourselves if you have one too many members draining your mojo and your earnings. This is one thing the typical frontperson fears most. Despite his or her high opinion about his or her talent, and despite the façade of confidence that usually accompanies folks who vie for the position, a vocalist's ego is among the most fragile (often more so than even drummers and guitarists, and that's saying something), and they do not like to compete once they believe they have established the pecking order in their minds. They often become extremely cutthroat (even more than they usually are) if there is even a slight possibility they will be upstaged or replaced, and especially by someone they foolishly consider a mere "side person". Should you see this kind of behavior, I think you know what to do.

But enough of that. Now it's time to build your "backup set".

When you put together this set of material, I would also strongly recommend that you completely exclude the musician for whom the contingency will be the spare tire. By all means, be honest and make sure your vocalist knows you will be putting together a set of songs specifically for usage without him or her. But they don't need to show up to those rehearsals. Their presence is not necessary, nor is their critique and/or approval. You need to rehearse just like you would have to perform the songs live, as if "this is the band". Do it like you mean it, because you SHOULD mean it. Another recommendation is to include as many songs already in your set as possible in addition to your supplemental set of new, "contingency vocalist" material. That will give you an idea of just how much material you would be able to do total should you have a very important event or gig that you did not want to cancel but otherwise wouldn't be able to do. Because you might find yourself having to cover for more than one set, so be prepared to do an entire show without the individual. This is especially important, depending on how he or she feels about the band putting together the contingency set, and be prepared that he or she might actually walk out to avoid eventual dismissal, in which case the contingency plan now IS the band. Rest assured, the vocalist will be definitely in touch with at least one member asking how things went, and wanting to know all the sordid details, but it's best to keep things vague and simple and change the subject. If he or she really is that curious, tell them to sit out a set at the next show and see firsthand that you'll be just fine if they fall ill or can't control their vices. Or tell them not to worry about it, because if he or she is doing the job, you will never have to implement the backup plan except in the event of an excusable emergency.

People sometimes need to be reminded in this situation that unless you are an original artist with a following, you are in no way, shape or form entitled any more than anyone else, nor are you any more important or irreplaceable than any other member of your band. And particularly with bands playing all covers, you don't own those songs. That's not your art. You are a mimic. There are no stars in that scene. It is essentially live band karaoke, and you're just another schmuck onstage going through the motions. Having an insufferable ego in a band that doesn't even write their own damn material is absolutely laughable at best. And therefore, don't be a stolen valor diva. Don't take yourself too seriously. Lose the "me" mentality. Do what's best for the band, and what makes you all sound as professional as you can possibly be (at least as "professional" as a dive bar cover-band CAN be, anyhow). And if that means you need to step your ass aside for a few songs, do it. If that means you have to step aside or half a night or more, so be it. It could mean the difference between getting another booking at a club or not, and it could generate either positive or negative word of mouth which might affect the band's opportunities down the road. The band doesn't need to be made to look like idiots because of your personal mismanagement or irresponsibility. So keep in mind that if you insist on being a liability, you are dead to rights when you fuck up bad enough to force the hand and have someone else cover for you. Again, nobody's going to hold it against you if you have some actual health issue, but if the band can still do a show, or finish a show, let it happen and don't be a dick about it. Politely excuse yourself and either relax while enjoying the rest of the show, or leave and go continue to drown your sorrows while you worry about whether or not your services will be required in the future with that project. Just like you replaced the guitarist who you didn't think was doing the band justice and the drummer who can't play, it would be just as easy to replace the singer who renders him-/herself useless by the second set, or who complains about the job incessantly.

Bonus point of consideration: One thing you see a lot of is a strange sense of allegiance when issues like this come up. There are people who will procrastinate, or even choose not to make decisions for the better of the whole band based solely on their personal friendship with one or more members. While I prefer to play with people I actually like, I have only been lucky enough once or twice to actually be in a band where I genuinely like all the members. Some people believe that you should put your friendship before the music, or the product, or whatever you want to call it. I'm going to have to disagree there, particularly if you're only having trouble getting along with one person in particular, which is usually the case. Now, when you have invested time and heart into a project, your feelings are going to be hurt if you are made obsolete and your bandmates choose to dismiss you from the project, but a FRIEND (and just decent human beings in general) will understand and listen, and won't go ballistic or seek revenge like some angry preteen with hormonal issues. And I'm not saying anybody should be asked to leave a group or kicked out or whatever without some kind of discussion prior, and an opportunity should always be offered to give somebody a chance to improve, whenever possible. Again, when possible. It's not always possible, though. Sometimes there just isn't enough time for somebody to get their shit together. And sometimes people just selectively "don't hear " what you tell them. I have had this happen to me multiple times, where somebody just doesn't seem to pay attention when you tell them things that need work, and then they go apeshit when several months down the road they haven't done with expected and they are sacked. The point of that is, just because you don't want to hear what somebody says, it doesn't mean they didn't say it, and if somebody approaches you with things that need to be fixed, whether in an official capacity or as an aside (as a "buddy"), you need to be paying attention. It's not just going to go away. And as I have learned the hard way, there are often certain personality types who talk a lot, but never have an actual interactive conversation because they don't listen to what they're told. Or they will come up with some silly excuse to blame anybody or anything but themselves. It is unfortunate, but sometimes feelings will just have to be hurt. I can think of maybe three times I have ended a band or asked somebody to leave that didn't wind up being a big melodrama or end up creating mortal enemies out of the other parties. Some worse than others, and as pathetic as it is, most of the "worst" I have had to deal with have been in the last several years, with middle-aged men, even more so than teenage band breakups in most cases. Yeah, I know. Sad. You can work with people you don't necessarily call friends, but when it becomes a drain on your mental health, don't prolong it and perpetuate the toxicity. Just take care of it. Don't waste YOUR time or allow someone ELSE to waste it. The point here is that sometimes you may have to base your contingency plan also on personality, and sometimes you have to be ready to replace someone who creates an unhealthy atmosphere. Because otherwise, the band may be stuck with that ultimatum to either get rid of the drinking buddy or lose an integral member (or two, or three) of your band.

To sum it all up, there are legitimate excuses for having off-nights. There are legitimate excuses for cancelling shows. There is no legitimate excuse for not having a contingency plan for those off-nights that can be salvaged. And there is no excuse to allow off-nights to increase either in frequency or in severity, or both. Upon reasonable examination, it's easy to spot the difference between genuine off-nights, and a shift to a toxic band culture. The former can be mitigated. The latter must be eliminated.

But what about a specific example? Check back next time and I'll give you one, and then some...

So I Hear You Have Dead-Weight in Your Band : Recognizing the Problem

Has lyrics and chords...still forgets lyrics and chords...

On a recent thread I saw, a participant wrote in asking about something most people in a band will have to face at some point or another: how to get rid of a member that is holding you back or robbing you of your enjoyment in general. 

He wrote:

I am finding myself in a tricky situation. I want to "fire" my singer, but in a way that a bit more delicate. The problem is that he and the drummer seem to be really good friends, and I dont want to loose the drummer. He is a good guy, but cant seem to create any original vocal melodies\lyrics. He has been using the same melody lines for the last 3-4 songs, and parts of the same lyrics for a few songs. One time he accidently sent me some demos from another band he is in, and he is using the same melodies\lyrics for those too. it's like he only can only play one chord on the guitar.

Wow. Been there, done that. More times than I care to admit. Since my beginnings in my teens up through my 40's, it seems this always finds a way to rear its ugly head. I responded to the OP as follows:

I've been in a very similar situation more than once, and it always sucks. It's one of the primary reasons I stopped working with "singers/vocalists" who don't play an instrument as an active contributor in the band in ANY capacity (originals OR covers), and a perfect example of literally every "original material" wannabe-frontperson I've EVER worked with (and hence why I don't work with them either). 

With my hired-gun cover-band gigs, I've occasionally worked as just a support musician, if the money is right. It was never "worth it", let's get that part out of the way, but at least I have to compensated to enough of a degree that it's worth my time. After firing the "singer and occasional guitarist" from one of the cover-bands I work with back in 2018, my price for working with a "frontperson" instead of co-fronting or just fronting the band myself has gone up--I call it my "cost of living" increase. We fired that guy (Hi, Ben!) for a number of reasons:

- He could not perform without a full-on binder of lyrics/notes on a stand in front of him (later an iPad, but still), even for songs he'd been playing/singing for decades (I find when the person who wants to be noticed most in a band has to have a reference source available for almost EVERY song it shows an embarrassing lack of skill and professionalism, especially when...

- He drank a lot (in spite of health issues that would keep most sensible people from drinking to begin with), to the point where by middle of the first set, he was buzzed, and by mid-second-set, he was utterly plowed. This was especially annoying when he was also too drunk to read all of his cheat material, and he ended up screwing up/missing parts anyway on both his vocals and his now-out-of-tune guitar that he was too inebriated to tune.

- He started getting cringily political and weird (pro tip: don't bring up your personal politics in your band when you already know your opinions and ideologies clash significantly with other members, unless you want it causing unnecessary stress and tension and you're low-key wanting to cut ties anyway).  

- He strutted around at every gig (and OUTSIDE of gigs), despite his embarrassing failures to fulfill his duties, chest puffed-out, acting like some rock god, and it got more annoying with every beer or shot, seemingly oblivious that without a solid group behind him, he'd literally just be a drunk karaoke hack.

- He had a weird combination of goofy "alpha" mentality and imposter syndrome. In other words, he often tried to nose-in on everything and wanted to be considered "the leader" while doing the least amount of work, and would contradict himself by showing how actually insecure he was as a human being. It was a bizarre mix of personalities.

- The last straw was at a gig where, I kid you not, he got too drunk early into the middle set to play, started slurring and just not singing at all, and I finished out the set fronting the band. Immediately thereafter, he literally decided to lie across the table in front of the "stage" area and proceeded to pass out. The drummer and I gave the bassist an ultimatum, he'd have to fire his frontman and we continue on as a trio, or we walked and they'd be replacing half their band. He was gone the next day.

It didn't stop the fat POS from talking smack about us for a few years to come and trying to get us blacklisted at our normal haunts for 'doing him wrong' (WTF, really?), but when you're dealing with people from certain demographics who have certain personality defects, you learn to not be "shocked" when they act like spoiled 7 year olds. And then there was the more recent falling out with an original music collaborator...

I worked for many years with a guy I'd known all the way back in elementary school, a guy who was big into indie music, always wished he was in an indie band like some of us he knew from school, and after doing "a lot of karaoke" when he was stationed in Japan, he decided he wanted to form a group of his own (yes, that was his "resume" for starting a band). Long story short, it was mostly an online collaboration that eventually became a performing situation with some guys I helped round up, but it wasn't well-received. For 95% of the recorded material, I wrote, arranged and performed all the instruments, and this guy (who we'll call "John") only wrote lyrics and "sang". His vocal range was almost nonexistent and I tried (but failed) to push him to better his skills--fine for indie shows to an extent but NOT for legitimate venues. In addition to lacking vocal skills, he had the same issues your guy has: no creativity when creating melodies, and his lyrics were either directly recycled from previous ones or were thematically the same as the others, often with the exact same terminology/verbiage even. Things came to a crash and burn because we had a couple bad shows (one in particular was NOT well-received, with the booking person citing his vocals as "f*cking awful" and saying "as long as he's singing, we can't have you back"), and I believe what finally got through to him was when John submitted one of our songs (the music of which was kind of like Audioslave, very groovy and strong--but lacking of those piercing, strong Chris Cornell style vocals, of course) to a local station's morning show where they listened to local groups and critiqued their music. Our track got the longest airtime to date because they liked the music portion, but they were brutal about how bad the vocals sucked. John had taken it upon himself to be the sole person on the phone with them (as usual, us "auxiliary musicians" were not required--or welcome, evidently--for PR), and they didn't realize they were talking to the crappy vocalist who they said essentially robbed the otherwise-killer-song of its thunder until the end of the conversation. John spent a few weeks in denial about their "taste in music" or whatever made him sleep better at night, but he's a smart guy and I believe he knew deep down that he was not the indie hero he wanted to think he was, nor was he considered "good enough" to front an actual band. The drummer (who works with me in our power-duo to this day) backed out the next month, and John decided not to go on with the band. The way he went about it, and started showing resentment towards my power-duo project, he burned this bridge permanently. He's tried to reach out, re-friend me on social media and presumably needs help again, but I refuse to acknowledge or respond. Last I heard, he was working with some "DJ" guy who makes songs with looped beats and random samples, and I affectionately refer to them as "TiT" (Two Inch Tacks). 

Sorry to be so verbose here, I just wanted to give some personal examples to show I know exactly what you're going through, and hopefully to demonstrate that what you DON'T want to do is have this person's attitude, laziness, incompetence, hubris or lack of ability to hold you back OR cause your band to eventually implode. If you have an otherwise cohesive, strong band, having one person drag it all down makes for a miserable time. A few things to think about...

Yeah, he MIGHT be close with the drummer, but that's not unusual for a couple of folks in a band to be a little more buddy-buddy than the others. In the cover-band I mentioned earlier, we had to replace our drummer (amicably, as the previous drummer was moving to go be with his family), and out of the trio, the bassist and new drummer are friends who live near each other, while I'm a half hour away and I don't go to the pub with them or hang out. Fun fact: the frontman we fired was really close with the bassist too though, however, when pressed to lose the rest of the band or lose the guy who was an obvious problem, he chose to let his friend go who was holding the band back. In an events band I am an ongoing member in, the keyboardist and bassist are longtime friends who hang out all the time, but the drummer and I don't hang out with them outside the band. So don't worry about that. 

The best thing you can do is have a "band meeting" sans the vocalist and let your feelings be known. Back up your opinions with examples (the more facts, evidence and examples you can provide, the more likely you are to get a positive outcome). Discuss how important the group is to you and what you hope to achieve, and tell them the only reason you're even thinking about a member adjustment is because you want to see progress and have success in one way or another with the band. Tell them how strong you think their contributions are and how strong the band can be with the right frontperson (one who earns his/her keep and actually has some creativity). Bring to light the dude's other band's demo you heard where he's using the same melodies/lyrics and use that as a means to take the angle of him maybe focusing on that band, since that's where his creativity lies (which is true, since he hasn't come up with anything unique or original with your group). Let's consider best- and worst-case-scenarios.

Worst-case-scenario, the drummer takes offense at you daring to want to sack his buddy, and you're forced to find another drummer (which is a pain, I know that drummers are the hardest instrumentalists to find in most instances). But cup-half-full, you're no longer held back by someone else and you'll eventually find someone whose allegiances are to the greater good.

Best-case-scenario, he listens, agrees that the singer is the weakest-link and you guys amicably dismiss the singer to go spend fulltime with his other band (again, tell him he is a better fit for them and it's not doing you OR him any favors for him to stay with you), and you guys keep working on material. I GUARANTEE you that you will not have a lot of trouble finding a singer/frontperson, because they, like "guitarists" are the most plentiful out there, and there's ALWAYS another one around the corner, a stone's throw away. Now, you might need to go through a few auditions to make sure the chemistry is good AND that the new person has some creativity when it comes to lyrical and melodic contributions. There's ALSO the possibility that going the trio route might be an option, don't write that off. But if you need a 4th member, just make sure they're doing what you need, and aren't just looking for a band to make them look good.

It's NEVER "fun" having to change band members, whether it's amicable or under duress, but if you approach the drummer right, despite his relationship with the singer, he will listen to the rational explanation as to how you came to your decision. And either way, you can't simply continue on like you're doing now, because  you're not happy or making progress, and I can assure you that life is too short to go on like that. You got this.

And that applies to anyone else out there going through a similar conundrum. I've been around long enough and have gone through this many times, and I can tell you DON'T WASTE YOUR LIFE trying to work with any project that doesn't bring you either artistic satisfaction OR financial compensation worthwhile of your contributions/commitment. Respect yourself and make yourself happy, first and foremost!