15 Essential Tips to Plan Your Productive Band Rehearsal

 

Do your band rehearsals feel aimless? Are you not progressing quickly enough? Do you find yourself feeling like you've wasted your time on the journey home? Read on!

Last time we talked about what a dick-move it is to waste your bandmates' time and resources by showing up to band rehearsals unprepared. This time around, let's help streamline the process for your [hopefully dead-weight-free] band...

No matter whether you're a new band trying to get your first set of songs up to scratch before your onstage debut, or an experienced band trying to get the track listing of your new EP note-perfect before you hit the studio, you still might find your rehearsal sessions are leaving a lot to be desired.

Thankfully, there's a simple solution that comes down to one word: plan!

Here are 15 tips to get the most out of your band rehearsal (I do not call them "band practices"), and hopefully you'll notice your progress in no time:

1. Appoint a band leader

One of the first questions your band members need to ask each other is: Who will be responsible for organizing all of you? You need to nominate one member to be the de facto leader to handle the logistical side of being in a band, such as scheduling rehearsals, planning set lists, and ultimately booking gigs.

A band leader needs to be a good communicator with strong organizational skills who can keep track of things like dates, who still owes money, and anything else that most musicians might consider boring. A good band leader also needs to be comfortable making decisions that may be unpopular with some of the other band members, such as casting the deciding vote on which songs you drop from the set list - if their decision is met with resistance or even criticism, your band leader needs to be able to take it on the chin and remind everyone that it was for the good of the band. HOWEVER, a good leader also knows not to let it ever go to their head, and that certain decisions DO require checks and balances, in whatever form the group agrees upon.

2. Start a group chat

In the digital age, it's easier than ever to keep in touch wherever you may be and whatever you may be doing - and one of the easiest ways to instantly contact every member in your band is via a group chat of some sort.

Whether you prefer using WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, basic SMS/text or another instant messaging service, a group chat is the perfect place to share information, updates and ideas with the rest of your bandmates. You can share links to song suggestions that you might like to learn together, footage and photos from a recent rehearsal or gig (especially links to Dropbox/Google-Drive), or even join a group video call for some face-to-face time.

3. Set a goal for your rehearsal

At a glance, you might think that the goal of any rehearsal is to simply 'practice the songs', and to a certain extent, you would be right. However, it's fair to say you would approach your rehearsal differently if you were, for example, getting ready to play a show as opposed to rehearsing new material or rehearsing said material for a recording session.

If you're rehearsing for a gig specifically, then you need to treat your rehearsal as if it's show night. This means playing through the entire set list as written and paced to fit within your allotted time slot (so minimum time wasted between songs). As such, you'll likely only go through each song once, with perhaps some time at the end to go over anything that you agree needs further work.

On the other hand, if you're trying to get some new material up to scratch so you can lay down a new demo, then pacing is less important than the precision with which you play. The song, not the set, comes first at this kind of rehearsal, and if it needs work, you're free to work on it for as long as it takes.

4. Plan your setlist

Before you even set foot in a rehearsal space together, your band needs to know what you're going to play. That's not necessarily to say that you should expect to be perfectly in sync the very first time you all play through a song thanks to some kind of telepathic link, but as long as you're all on the same page, have prepared your own parts individually and have a structured list of songs to work through, you're not going into some chaotic cacophonous clusterfuck.

Remember: a set list needs to be maintained in the same way you'd care for a houseplant - if a song becomes old and dull, it needs to be pruned like a dying leaf to make way for fresh material. Therefore, you can't get too attached to your set list, even if you've been honing the same 20 or 30 songs for months on end, because even a small change could be the best thing to happen to your band's energy and morale.

5. Learn your parts alone

Commit the lyrics, guitar parts, drum patterns and anything else you're responsible for to memory before, not at, your rehearsal. Sound familiar? This will not only save time during your rehearsal but will also encourage your bandmates that progress is being made AND show them that you respect THEIR time and efforts as much as your own. And that goes a long way!

Don't be too disheartened, however, if you have to make any changes to the part you've already put your time and effort into learning; it's entirely possible that, when you all play a particular song together in person, some alterations may be necessary in order to suit your band's style and skill set. If you need to change the key, speed or structure of the song, don't worry that you've wasted your time - this will be a helpful step towards getting your sound right. You'll also gain intimate knowledge of the song by studying it yourself that will help you better adapt on the fly if need be.

6. Save the date - don't be late

Keeping a watchful eye on your calendar is good rehearsal for anybody, but it's essential for a performer and even more so for an ensemble. Everyone in your band needs to know their schedules inside and out, and as soon as you've agreed upon a date on which you're all free to rehearse, you all need to make a note of it in your diaries/planners/phones/etc. (to prevent scheduling conflicts and unnecessary tension).

You will also all need to stick to the agreed arrival time because every minute your band wastes waiting for your less punctual members to arrive is a minute you could've spent on developing your collective chemistry--meaning personal and musical chemistry, so if you don't show that you value each other's time, that chemistry risks becoming imbalanced.

7. Check your equipment list (twice)

There's nothing worse than turning up to your rehearsal session, raring to crank out some absolute bangers that you've been working on all week, only to find that you've left an essential piece of equipment at home. Not only is this frustrating (and probably even a little embarrassing) for you, but this will also delay the band rehearsal for everyone else while you run off to collect the offending item or, if you don't have time to pick it up, make do with an incomplete set up, meaning you won't get the most out of your rehearsal time.

To avoid this, write yourself an equipment checklist (and suggest that you all do the same!) and look over it before you set off. While you're at it, give all your gear a test to make sure it's all working (crackly cables are among the most common pieces of equipment to be overlooked). It's easy to fall into the habit of just leaving your equipment packed up from your previous rehearsal to avoid "forgetting" something, but it's always better to be safe than sorry - so take the extra few minutes to check it!

8. Structure your rehearsal

It might take a few attempts to get into a rhythm that works for you, but planning the structure of your band rehearsal in advance will save you from wasting any time on wondering what to do next. Try not to give yourselves too many unnecessary breaks - it's important to not overdo it, and breaks are a good opportunity to review what you've achieved so far, but getting yourselves used to playing for longer stretches will stand you in good stead for a gig or a lengthy recording session (plus, if you're in the unfortunate circumstance of paying for your rehearsal space, you'll be getting your money's worth).

One valuable piece of advice is: time how long each part of your rehearsal takes. This will help you figure out your own rehearsal structure to stick to, show you if anything is taking too long or needs more time, and also give you an idea of how long your band will set up for a gig. Sounds dorky as fuck, but it can help keep everything efficient.

Here's an idea of how you can split up a 2 ½ hour rehearsal to maximize productivity:

• 15 mins setting up
• 10 mins checking levels and warming up
• 45 mins rehearsal
• 10 mins break and review/discussion
• 45 mins rehearsal
• 10 mins break and review/discussion
• 15 mins pack down

9. Remove all distractions

There are 2 main distractions that will detract from your productive band rehearsal: phones and people.

While phones can be incredibly useful when it comes to taking photos and videos of your rehearsal - which you can then use to review how you look and sound, and, if the footage is up to snuff, post on social media to promote your band - you don't need to check your texts between songs, or risk a song being interrupted by a phone call. If you're not using your phone for recording purposes, leave it in airplane mode, switch it off, or keep it in the car (out of sight/out of mind) if the temptation is too great and you have the self-control of my alcoholic serial-cheating ex-wife. 😛

As far as friends and family go, it's wonderful when they want to cheer you on and show you support - but ask them to save it for your gig! Not only will you be tempted to shoot them a smile or chat with them instead of with your bandmates, but it'll also be incredibly dull for them whenever you have to work on one specific part of a song over and over again. Trust that it's best for everyone if you enforce a strict 'band members only' policy at your rehearsal.

10. Position yourselves to suit your goals

Communication is paramount when working on new material or preparing for a recording session. Set yourselves up in a circle so everyone can see each other, as you may need to communicate non-verbally to remind each other, for example, when the chorus is coming up.

It's also essential to get the levels right - for this kind of rehearsal , you don't want the drums and guitars to be too loud. Playing at a lower volume will mean that your vocalist(s) won't have to strain their voice to be heard above the other instruments (a perennial complaint for the milquetoast human-microphone-stand), and it will also be easier for you to hear any potential mistakes that need to be worked on. Make sure you can hear each other speak over the music as well to a certain degree, in case you need to stop and start over - it might be worth equipping each band member, rather than just the vocalist(s), with a microphone at this stage.

If, however, you're rehearsing for a gig, then you need to treat your band rehearsal like a live show. By this stage, you should have already worked out any kinks, so you won't need the same level of communication between bandmates - arrange yourselves as if you're onstage, and imagine you're facing your audience.

You can also afford to crank up the volume at this stage - you need to prepare yourself for how loud you'll be playing on gig night, as well as to prepare yourself for the inevitable request from the venue staff to "turn it down a little".

11. Set your levels before you play

Speaking of levels, ensure everyone's set at the right volume before you get stuck into practicing any songs. That way, you won't have to worry about them for the rest of your rehearsal. As mentioned above, the ideal level of your band will depend on the purpose of your rehearsal, but as a general rule, try not to play too loud. Setting your levels at the start will also help to reduce the temptation to keep turning yourselves up as you go. 

***Warning: whether you're running your own sound or you will be working with a sound guy, don't forget that 99 out of 100 times you will be approached by either a venue staff member or the sound guy to turn something down. Most often the sound guy will want guitar stage-volume kept lower than you'd prefer, while with venue staff, be prepared for the cartoonish "the drums need to come down" (and acoustic drummers know the absurdity of this request).***

Many bands begin by setting the level of the bass to the drums, then building the guitars, keyboards, vocals, etc., on top. It's useful to run as many of your band's instruments through a mixing desk as possible, as you'll have more control over each instrument's level from a single point.

With technology having come as far as it has, these days electronic drums sound more than adequate for most performances, and with mesh heads largely replacing the shitty old rubber ones, they even feel alright to play on. Likewise with guitar and bass, modeling multi-effects or even a simple IR loader or cab-sim at the end of a basic pedalboard can allow you to run direct to the PA. I know, I know, "boring" and the tone may or may not be exactly what you'd like to hear. BUT, hear me out: it allows the maximum available control over your sound levels of all your instruments, and it will allow you to bring the entire performance down to a level that will please even the most ridiculous bar patron who wants to act like they've never been around live music in their fucking lives before. So keep that in mind.

If any of you are using effects pedals, give these a check as well before you start playing. A dial or two might have got knocked in transit - you don't want your guitar solo to be ruined by being twice - or half - as loud as you wanted, so give all your boxes a test stomp. Don't forget to tune!

Pro tip - take a photo of all the amp, pedal, and desk settings once you've got them right. Then, at your next rehearsal, you'll be able to refer to your photo and get the levels correct straight away.

12. Repeat tricky parts until you get them right

Although it might be boring to an outsider listening in, this is an essential learning technique when you're faced with a particularly tricky part of a song. Key changes, tempo changes, time signature changes and the like will affect the whole band, so you must make sure you're all singing from the same hymn sheet, so to speak.

If you anticipate a particular section presenting you with a problem, flag this with your band so you can attempt it a few times at your rehearsal before taking on the entire song. Alternatively, you might not realize how tricky that passage is until you arrive at it while playing the whole song, although if you've done your proper solo practice before rehearsal like you're supposed to have done, I can't see this becoming an issue too often.

Either way, isolate that passage and work on playing only that section until you're all confident you're playing it right, then add it back into the song. This is a much better use of your time than simply repeating the song and hoping for the best.

13. Respect your bandmates

As a band, you are greater than the sum of your parts, so each band member deserves to get what they need out of your rehearsal. Aside from making sure you all turn up fully prepared for every rehearsal, you also need to respect your bandmates during the rehearsal itself.

One rule you should all follow to ensure mutual respect is shown is: no noodling! Try to resist playing around on your instrument between songs - especially if you're interrupting a group discussion. Few things are as annoying as that one guy who won't stop playing when everyone's trying to convey ideas or thoughts.

Also - if you haven't already, make sure all guitarists and bassists in your band have invested in a tuner pedal. There are few more irritating sounds than a guitar being tuned loudly, and as previously mentioned, this really should be done when you're dialing-in your tone/volume. 

14. Record and review your rehearsals

As previously mentioned, phones can come in handy when it comes to taking photos, videos, and audio recordings of your rehearsal. Make sure there's at least one phone with sufficient battery life and storage space to record your entire rehearsal - this way, you can listen back together and identify any areas for improvement.

This goes hand in hand with identifying signs of progress - always try to end on a high note and encourage each other when you're sounding particularly tight, or have finally mastered an especially hard song. Even if things didn't go as well as you'd hoped, give constructive feedback and help each other plan how to get to the next step. A good sense of humor and a little lighthearted self-deprecation doesn't hurt to lighten the mood in the event of a not-so-good rehearsal.

15. Plan future rehearsals

Now you've successfully planned one productive band rehearsal, it's time for the next stage: keeping at it! Start off with every couple weeks and see how it goes. If you all decide you'd like to get together each week, go for it. Conversely, you may decide everyone's committed and competent enough to get by on once a month. But stick to the routine either way - before you know it, you'll all be used to this commitment and will quickly start to feel the benefits.

Book yourself a regular slot at your chosen rehearsal space, if you need to implement regular rehearsals - this will both ensure that you all know where and when you need to show up, and stop any other bands taking your place. Then, just make sure you all remember to follow steps 1-14, and watch your band get better each week!

Now get out there and don't fuck it up!

"Rehearsal" VS. "Practice" : DON'T WASTE EVERYONE ELSE'S TIME

 

"I'm not mean, I'm brutally honest. It's not my fault truth hurts. Here's a band-aid."
(Unknown)

A never-ending and increasingly-sensitive subject with one of the many projects I was a hired-gun for (names withheld to protect the guilty) was the argument of "rehearsal" versus "practice"; or more accurately, the contrast between my expectations that EVERYONE has practiced and memorized his/her parts prior to band rehearsal and someone else moaning and griping about not having enough "band rehearsals" or "time" to prepare for them. I realize some people do not appreciate my brutal honesty and what they perceive as a sometimes-condescending attitude, but it comes down to this: I SHOW UP AND DO MY FUCKING JOB. IF YOU AREN'T DOING YOURS AS WELL, IT'S ON YOU, NOT ME. CAPISCE?

First and foremost, always remember that EVERY band member’s time is just as valuable as yours, and aside being completely unprofessional on every level, wasting another member’s personal time/fuel cost/psychological energy by requiring them to grind through the motions over and over waiting for others to play catch-up is insulting (professionally AND personally), and is just simply downright rude and discourteous. The time to learn and memorize one’s own parts to the agreed upon material is on one’s own time, and that is called "practice". Band “rehearsals” are supposed to be just that: ”rehearsals” to solidify beginnings and ends, and to confirm that everyone has learned the material, or in some cases to rearrange existing material significantly, if you're building a mash-up or medley, or something of that nature. This should NOT be misused as a substitute for personal “practice” or “lesson” time for individuals. Particularly when addressing cover-bands, songs not being drastically modified from their original composition should only have to be rehearsed LITERALLY once or twice as a group if everyone comes prepared, and then the band should be more than ready to perform them live adequately without further study or repetition, moving onto the next new piece of material which was supposed to have been learned between band rehearsals. If someone is not 100% ready, just skip it and come back to it at a later date when he/she has completed their personal responsibility on his/her own time. If an irreparable handicap or limitation keeps the song from being performed satisfactorily, replace the song with one better suited to the skills of your members immediately and do not waste time on it any further. If more than one song on your to-do list for that rehearsal has to be skipped due to negligence, fuck it...just don't rehearse as a band this week and waste anyone else's time, you can use that allotted "band rehearsal time" for personal practice and everyone should be even better prepared for the next one. If you find yourself having to do this more than you feel you should (especially if/when you're being nagged about "rehearsal" on a weekly basis), it’s time to evaluate the weak link and consider a more universal solution for the health of your band (and yourself).

But whatever you do, for fuck's sake, NEVER give shitty excuses as to why you aren't prepared or "didn't have time" to get it together. Especially if there is already tension between you and another, more productive member of your band who (despite THEIR family and professional commitments) busts his/her ass to be prepared and then some, and definitely when everyone knows you have NO issues whatsoever "finding time" to go see other live music, shoot pool, hang out at the pub or do karaoke several nights a week, you're going to get called out when you start whinging on and on about your lack of "time" to prepare yourself for productive band rehearsals. If you're already a difficult bandmate to work with and there's bad chemistry between you and one or more bandmates, this is likely going to be the nail in the coffin which will cause your more-effective bandmates to consider other options in the form of sacking you to hire someone who takes the gig more seriously, or in them leaving your group and putting you in the situation of having to replace multiple band members in a very short amount of time. Just do the damned work. You most likely relish the accolades and (largely unwarranted) praise by bar patrons and your drunk friends at your shows, and you're spoiled by the sheer luck that they don't pay attention to what a half-ass you are compared to your bandmates, thus they may not realize that the music stand with lyric sheets and song notes you rely on for every performance is a clear sign of who is the least-prepared member of the band, the one who takes his/her showboating, chest-puffing, strutting braggadociously and liquor-shots more seriously than actually worrying about trivial little things like (*gasp!*) learning the music/words.

Excuses are never a substitute for RESULTS. You may say one thing, but trust me, your bandmates who actually put in their time learning and memorizing the material hear a completely different sentence. Here’s a translation guide (some items borrowed from an old article a friend sent me a while back) to the most common excuses heard at rehearsals (or "about" rehearsals), and why making them only makes you look foolish:

1. “I didn’t have time to listen to the music.” 

What we hear: I don’t take this gig/band/job seriously enough to prioritize learning the music. Although you gave me the music/lyrics to study and plenty of time in which to do it, it obviously never occurred to me that I should actually sit down for an extended period of time and learn/practice it at some point in the week between rehearsals. Feel free to replace me with someone who will spend time preparing for the gig. I’ll be hanging out doing karaoke or open-mic jams and wondering why no one is hiring me anymore. 

2. “This isn’t the way I usually play this song [or isn’t the way I’m used to playing it].” 

What we hear: I’m musically stuck in one style of playing and I don’t have the ability to hear or play things in new ways. I’m also lazy, and learning a new (or the CORRECT) way of playing this song would mean I have to actually put personal time into practice. [See #1] I would rather complain about the arrangement rather than take direction and focus on flowing with the band to actually play the song properly. 

3. “I forgot my pedal/amp/cord/equipment/cymbals/etc. “ 

What we hear: You mean to play my instrument, I actually have to bring ALL the pieces that make up the instrument? That’s news to me. Please replace me with someone who knows what parts he/she needs to play the instrument I claim to know how to play.

4. “This key/timing/progression doesn’t work for me.”

What we hear: I was unaware that there is more than one key in music. I was perfectly happy playing in the first key I learned back in elementary school – I think it’s "C"...or "G"– or the easiest key for me to play on guitar..."E"? After all, I just use my transpose button / capo and I’m all set when there’s another key. Too much work to actually learn to play in all 12 keys or use more than power-chords or basic cowboy chords. And let's just skip that bridge with the weird timing or odd chord progression because I don't feel like taking the time to learn it [Again, see #1] ; ALTERNATE TRANSLATION: Despite my posturing and boasting regarding my talent and ability, actually playing songs might be out of my scope of skills.

***NOTE: AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT, IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO SIMPLY "NOT PLAY ON" A PART BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO LAZY TO LEARN IT. ALSO, IF A SONG ORIGINALLY HAD TWO OR THREE GUITARISTS PLAYING (ESP. LIVE PERFORMANCES; FOR EXAMPLE SONGS BY RADIOHEAD, COLLECTIVE SOUL, ETC), DON'T PUT ALL THE WEIGHT ON ONE GUITARIST'S SHOULDERS TO TRY TO MAKE IT WORK. IT SOUNDS LIKE SHIT AND IT'S EMBARRASSING TO PLAY IT THAT WAY. EARN YOUR KEEP OR QUIT.

5. “I’ll know it by the time we play the gig.”

What we hear: I’m so unjustifiably confident in my own abilities that I decided to just waste your time with this rehearsal. After all, why rehearse when I never play/sing a wrong note/beat/etc.? Well, okay, I play/sing lots of wrong notes/beats/etc., but I don’t actually consider that a problem. It’s only a problem for the rest of the band that has no idea what I’ll do when the actual performance rolls around. But I don't believe it's fair for you to presume that I will be just as unprepared come showtime as I was for rehearsal all those other times.

6. “I’m not performing at my potential because we [the band] don’t rehearse often enough together.”

What we hear: While I am just as capable as everyone else in the band to work on my individual responsibilities and duties to the band in my personal time to prevent adding to the chaos and to make actual progress, in addition to my aforementioned laziness, I’d rather waste everyone else’s time since I prefer spending time I could be learning/memorizing material out at the karaoke bar, shooting pool or getting shitfaced. Also, my ego disallows me to admit that I may not be as “good” as I pretend I am, so it makes more sense to gaslight, shifting blame to the collective in a futile attempt to save face and avoid accountability for my failures. How can I do my job, after all, if you aren't here to cue me and cover up my mistakes so I know what I can 'skip over' learning?!?!? That isn't very fair...to me...

7. “I’m not memorizing my parts/lyrics fully because the band doesn’t rehearse often enough.”

What we hear: See translations for #1 and #6.

8. “I’m not prepared or am not performing at my potential because I have had lots going on at work or in my personal life.”

What we hear: In case you haven’t gotten the hint already, my time is far more valuable than yours is, and if I would’ve called off rehearsal till a later date when I have my act together, it would mean I’d have to drink and be counterproductive/annoying at home alone or at the karaoke bar instead of with you guys. 

***NOTE: BOO-FUCKING-HOO. WHEN SOME OF US HAVE 3 OR 4 OTHER MUSICAL PROJECTS TO JUGGLE, A DAY JOB, A FAMILY AND OTHER RESPONSIBILITIES AND WE STILL MANAGE TO SHOW UP AND DO OUR DAMN JOBS, YOUR ARGUMENT IS IRRELEVANT.

9. “You guys don’t understand how hard it is for me to do this [play/sing].”

What we hear: I obviously have not paid attention to or have not done any research on my bandmates, and I do not realize that one of my band members has done or currently does the exact same job as I do in another group (or two...or three) and I’m making a complete ass of myself by whining about my chosen position/duty in the band like a little bitch. But don’t step on my toes and prove you can do the job as easily or effectively, because that makes me fear that I might be replaced and won’t have anywhere to go get shitfaced in the company of actual human beings and listen to myself mumble and slur into a microphone.

***NOTE ON #9: SERIOUSLY. SHUT YOUR STUPID FUCKING MOUTH. JUST QUIT IF IT'S "THAT HARD". IF ALL YOU DO IS BITCH ABOUT YOUR CHOSEN INSTRUMENT/ROLE, YOU ARE BECOMING A STRAIN, DEAD-WEIGHT, AND A LIABILITY, AND IF SOMEONE ELSE IN THE BAND CAN DO EVEN 80% AS GOOD OF A JOB ON ANY GIVEN NIGHT, YOUR ASS IS ALREADY OBSOLETE.

10. “This is a hobby...I don’t want it to feel like a job.”

What we hear: For me, anyway. I expect the rest of you need to play on a professional level and the way I want, to make it desirable and fun for me to continue with this band, however the same cannot be expected in return, because your expectations of me fulfilling MY duties in the same professional and consistent manner would make it less fun, and more like “work”...for ME. Just please continue to make me look good and let's all get along, K?

***NOTE: IT'S ALSO NOT A GOOD IDEA TO WAVE HANDS AT, POINT FINGERS AT OR TRY TO "DIRECT" YOUR BANDMATES ON PARTS THEY DON'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED WITH DOING ON SONGS THAT THEY ALREADY DON'T LIKE IF YOU THINK YOU CAN SELECTIVELY "SIT OUT" ON PARTS OR DUTIES YOURSELF. AND IF YOU EVER YELL AT A BANDMATE AT REHEARSAL TO SHUT UP, BE QUIET OR STOP PLAYING BECAUSE YOU FORGOT YOUR PART OR WHATEVER AND THE "NOISE" IS DISTRACTING YOU, CONSIDER YOUR DAYS NUMBERED. SERIOUSLY, GO AHEAD AND PACK YOUR SHIT UP.

11. “I didn’t get the email/text or didn't check the calendar.”

What we hear: I’ve somehow managed (despite having my phone up my ass 24/7) to neglect opening the email attachment with the song you sent weeks ago or take the time to read my messages thoroughly. And what in the world is a ‘Dropbox' or 'Google Drive?’ I’d prefer if you went old-school and handed me a CD, or you could go classic and fax me the sheet music/lyrics. Just page my beeper when you send it. 

12. “I listened to the wrong arrangement.”

What we hear: When I saw the song on the list, I immediately pulled up every Youtube and Spotify version of the song I could find – except the one you specified – and got thoroughly confused. One was played in F sharp as a waltz and another was in C minor as a blues. I’m just gonna play a mash-up of the two and hope one of them is the one you wanted. It didn’t help that I waited till an hour before rehearsal to start listening to it instead of a week ago when you sent it, but whatev’s...

13. “I already know it.”

What we hear: I’ve heard the song on the radio a few times and I think I can guess/bullshit my way through enough of the song to convince you that I know it, and if not, I'll just add that to my sheets of notes or on my iPad so I can (try to) read off it onstage, no one will notice after all, I'm sure. Of course, if I miss a chord or melody I can just blame it on the other musicians for changing the feel. No one will ever know as long as I act like I was the guy in the studio during the original recording. 

14. “I just learned the (verse, chorus, etc).”

What we hear: While listening to it that couple times just before rehearsal [see translation for #12], I decided I’d just catch the gist of the chorus, the hook, or some other part of the song and learn the rest later. “Later” never happened, and now we’re supposed to play the entire thing. Just be appreciative that I can play the section I learned. No one ever does the entire song anyway...right? 

15. “We’ll just play that part differently, nobody will care.”

What we hear: Either I’m too lazy (there’s that word again) to learn how to play the part right, or the ability of another member or myself just isn’t up to snuff to play it properly, so let’s just do it the halfassed way instead of picking another song we can actually all play competently. I’ll probably be too drunk by that point in the set to play/sing it right anyway, so who cares? 

16. “This PA/amp/guitar/microphone/lighting/something-I-ate-for-dinner is messing me up.”

What we hear: I’m too proud to admit that I make as many mistakes as anyone else, and refuse to admit that I just plain screwed up, so I’m going to blame a piece of equipment or some random-ass circumstance for my failure to perform. 

17. “I play just fine drunk/high.”

What we hear: Chemical impairment not only renders me incapable of putting on a quality professional performance, but it also graciously renders me incapable of noticing, or caring. 

***NOTE: NEWS FLASH---NOBODY PLAYS OR SINGS BETTER WHEN THEY'RE SHITFACED. DON'T BELIEVE ME? RECORD A PERFORMANCE SOBER, AND ANOTHER INTOXICATED. LISTEN TO THE DEGRADED QUALITY ONCE THOSE SHOTS AND BEER KICK IN. LEARN, BEFORE THAT ONE FATEFUL SHOW WHERE YOU HAVE A MEMBER OR TWO START PACKING UP MID-SET BECAUSE THEY ARE EMBARRASSED.

18. “I'm just getting over a [random common illness], so I might not be [or that’s why I wasn’t] on my A-game tonight.”

What we hear: I [still] haven't learned/memorized the material very well and/or haven’t corrected the issues I had with playing/singing it, so I'm going to be leaning on the rest of the band the entire rehearsal and wasting everyone’s time. Thankfully I’ll be incoherent after some shots and a few beers during the breaks, and it won’t be noticeable [to me].

19. “The absence of [a preferred effect/mix] on my instrument/vocal is messing me up.”

What we hear: I would prefer to mask my marginal [or lack of] ability to do my job with an effect, and not being able to do so has psyched me out. 

20. “I don’t have an ego problem. YOU’RE the one with the ego.”

What we hear: I have narcissistic personality disorder. 

Hopefully these translations will help you see these common phrases for what they are – excuses that attempt to hide a lack of character, respect and professionalism. Ban these phrases from your musical vocabulary (and rid yourself of the folks who use them) and you’ll have much better rehearsals and performances.

This is especially applicable to cover-bands who aren't doing original material. Because unless you are actually creating new, original music together and are brainstorming arrangements, there IS no excuse. In a cover-band, you have music to learn, and a nearly-infinite source of information called "the internet", which is available 24/7/365. There is no viable, logical excuse to coming to rehearsals less than ready. There is no explanation known to man as to why a group of even marginally-competent musicians shouldn't be expected to bring at LEAST 6 new cover songs to the table each rehearsal. Being in a cover-band is LITERALLY the least amount of actual musical work you can do besides karaoke and DJ-ing, and if your bandmate can make time to learn that fucking godawful Creed or Staind song you won't just let fucking die, then you can learn the non-shitty material like someone who gives a damn about his/her band. End of story.

If all this sounds pointed, it is. If you feel attacked or triggered, well...where I come from there's a saying: "a hit dog will holler". But when you've had this experience over and over again where people don't listen when you talk about things, and ignore it altogether when you put it in writing (texts/emails), sometimes your options are to vent in a manner such as this so they can reflect accordingly. I guess you could also bottle it up and then blow up at someone at an inopportune time (at rehearsal...on stage...at a gig...whatever), but this way seems healthier, and is a shit-ton more polite and matter-of-fact than I would be able to be once my buttons have been pushed too much. Lastly, often people resort to getting offended at criticism when they SHOULD be looking at it like "holy fuck...this guy actually has put a lot of thought and effort into trying to help our band be all that it can be."

...oh...the LULZ of the dive-bar music career...

Dweezil and Me Regarding the Right Way to Cover Songs

In an interview, Dweezil Zappa chimed in on what he perceives as apathy or laziness from guitarists playing covers. From the article:

"There's a lot of people that — and sometimes it just comes down to laziness — they're like, 'Well, I'll just do my own thing.' Because they hear enough of it, and they're like, 'I'm in the ballpark. I'll just make my [own thing].'"

"But to me, when I was learning songs, if it was Van Halen or if it was something that Randy Rhoads was playing, I didn't feel like I was playing the song at all unless I played exactly what I heard them doing. And I wanted to learn the nuances. I wanted to try to get the sound. I wanted to do that. Because to me, that was the whole package of playing the song."

Dweezil recalled that his goal as a young player learning the instrument has not deviated much from today. That is, to recreate a piece of music he is covering authentically.

"So when somebody says, 'Hey, I can play 'Eruption,' I'm like, 'Great! Let me see it.' And if it's not what I heard on the record, then, to me, it's not it. As a kid, that was the goal: was to try to get as close as I could on any of that stuff, which is not easy. I mean, it's been a lifelong obsession to learn how to play a lot of this kind of stuff."

This has been a point of contention for me, for a very long time now. Up until about 15 years ago, you'd only catch me playing cover songs as filler in between original compositions, and on my terms. No "Skynyrd" (or other overplayed stuff you could literally go to the bar next door and hear some other terrible group do crappy versions of), no godawful modern "country", and no flavor-of-the-month garbage. I generally disregarded and frankly mocked the idea of being in a cover band (because more often than not, cover bands are where musicians go to die), and the only thing that changed that slightly was when I started getting calls to get paid to fill-in for whatever tweaker/drunk (hi, Joey!) failed to show up to a gig, or who got banned from a venue (again, hi, Joey!), or who flaked-out and didn't learn his material. Even 15 years after conceding to the lure of the quick and easy weekend dollar playing lousy, corny-as-hell, played-to-death songs, I still think it's often hokey and halfassed, and I learned really quickly just how low the standards were, and are. But, I guess there's something to be said for getting paid to put about 60-70% into a performance and still have people act like you're some kind of god among men, so whatev's. 

By "low standards", I mean both musicians AND audiences. I was doing hired-gun cover gigs for 3 or 4 years before I actually really sat down and learned any "new songs", because 9 out of 10 bands literally play the same crap, and 99 out of 100 don't really even play their covers "right". I think one would use a description like "loose interpretations",even with chord charts, lyric sheets and other crutches. I just winged it, played whatever sounded "close enough" and didn't worry about investing too much energy into it since everyone else seemed to be screwing around and not playing them properly anyway; funnily enough, I "learned the right way of playing" most of the songs onstage, by accident, polishing turds and using the experience as "paid practice". For performing musicians in the bar scene, those low expectations from audiences just looking for a good time are a godsend. It's decent money for not a lot of actual work. Never let a musician talk your ear off about "hard work", because the hardest part of playing a cover gig is loading in/out. And dealing with cutthroat egos. The rest is like hunting dairy cows with scoped high-powered rifles and calling yourself a "skilled hunter".

Cover musicians are a dime a dozen (and that might even be a GENEROUS estimate...should be more like, a nickel), in particular "singers" and guitarists. Some are decent, most really aren't. But the ones who stand out are the ones who pay attention to detail. It's often a subtle contribution, like a certain chord voicing that most players are lazy with, or playing the hummable, recognizable parts of guitar solos and not just some doltish fast blues-pentatonic or wheedly-wheedly masturbatory exercise that screams "look at me, okay, that'll do!" I do believe there is room in most songs one might cover for players to put a little stank on parts, but you also have to nail the important bits. I see a lot of guitarists play too much and more or less ignore what NEEDS to be played, and I'm not a fan. It's self-serving and hacky. The exception is when you're doing a completely different format than the source artists (like Local H or the Presidents of the USA), or are reinterpreting songs in a different genre (Cake, Dread Zeppelin), but otherwise, show a little self-respect and play it right if you're not just goofing off.

I still learn 90% of anything I end up playing onstage by listening to something while driving around, or streaming music in the background when I'm working, and then eventually I'll dink around and figure out the remaining bits before I go on. I think Dweezil's right, insofar as if I'm listening to someone performing a familiar song and something is notably "wrong", I check out in 20 seconds or less. Crummy guitar tone? Bye. Using power-chords when you should be using full chords or vice-versa? Nah. Wanking around instead of playing a revered lick or solo? Gross. Overplaying literally at any time? Fucking weirdo. Using too much distortion or delay and turning a straight-up rock song into some bedroom-guitar-hero, dated, pseudometal cacophony? Get the hell out of here. Even though I am not exerting myself physically, mentally or artistically by playing other people's music, I try (in most cases) to pay proper homage to the original artists and keep the song sounding familiar. Depending on which band I'm playing with, I may have my trusty old Digitech RP500 with dozens of patches to emulate Angus' or Slash's Marshall, Mike Campbell's or Neil Young's Fender Deluxes, Lindsey Buckingham's volume-pedal-swells, an old Twin Reverb for some chicken-pickin', and so on. Or, in another band I just stick to a basic pedalboard with a couple different drive pedals, a delay, a wah and a Whammy Pedal, done. Depends on the quality of the crowd for me. Meaning, I'm more interested in "impressing" the attendees of a high-paying gig (corporate event, frat/sorority functions, etc) by nailing "the tone", whereas for the average shitty dive bar crowd who'll be buzzed midway through the first set and drunk by the second, an approximation will do. 

But regardless of what guitar or rig I pick, I try to keep covers familiar sounding and close to what the audience expects. I have watched bandmates and fill-in/substitute players turn gigs into an opportunity to force people to listen to them exercise their scales (and to show off their gear/wardrobe), and it's painful to listen to/watch, to the point of me being embarrassed FOR them. I would be insulted, as an audience member, having to listen to some twat goof off on guitar noodling and fucking up a song I like. But I always have to remember that audiences are largely made up of people who are not musicians, or are not actually all that musically knowledgeable. Most of them can't tell the drummer hiccupped a beat, or that the bass player was playing the wrong notes entirely, or that the singer actually kind of sucks, so I'd guess most of them aren't worried about atrocious guitar tone, wanky guitar playing or fucking up a chord progression. However, I see it more of a self-respect thing in those instances, where sure, THEY might not know what I'm doing (right OR wrong), but I do, and I have to evaluate my performance and be proud of it (or mortified by it).

So decide if you're comfortable just halfassing it and be "good enough for the drunk dive bar crowd), or if you want to sound actually good, competent and have something to be proud of---well, as "proud" as one can be simply covering other people's work, anyway. But don't be too awful offended when some of us aren't the least bit impressed by horrible renditions of songs and piss-poor musicianship that overshadows any technical prowess or street-cred you think you may have.